My prayers have changed

*I've been trying to write this entry for months now, but I just can't seem to write it the way I want it to be said. This is the best I could do.


---


I remember that my prayers were always 'God, show me Your Will....Show me Your Will.'

This is a common prayer. A LOT of people pray it. Its always good to be one step ahead of the competition, so we want to know what's in store for us. And its easier to work towards something than to wander around life aimlessly because we don't see the purpose in anything we do. Plus, we're so flawed due to our own selfish desires that we never know what we want nor do we know what's good for us. God's Will? I'd rather take that any day of the week and twice on Sundays.

But at some point in my life, I realized this prayer was selfish, arrogant, prideful, and nearly heretical. What do we think we're gonna do with His Will when we know? Do it on our own? God's Will is going to be carried out whether or not we want it. Knowing it isn't going to change anything. Its also arrogant to believe that all I needed in life was for a plan to be made for me and that I wouldn't need God for anything else.

Some things are just better left for God to know. There are definitely parts of my life that I didn't intend to happen, and if I did have the choice, I probably would have chosen for them to have not happened. But I'm certainly glad I went through them since I'm a better/stronger/stable/wiser/any-positive-adjective person for that. I'd give you an example, but this is a concept that is likely familiar to all of you.

My plea for God's Will was nothing more than a way to hide my control freakishness in a veil of spiritual submission.

I've since started praying for a heart of obedience.

Obedience requires trust. A soldier does not need to know the details of the diplomatic quarrel in order to complete his task. A receptionist at Google does not need to know how the search algorithm works. I don't need to know every detail of my life before I live it. I have to trust in God and allow Him to do His thing. I have to obey.

Anyone can obey a command that makes sense to them. It takes faith to obey when things don't make sense. Its easy to obey when things are clear. Its harder to obey when things aren't. I thought that if I knew what He wanted me to do, things would fall into place and I'd be solid. But thats not the case. God makes it clear in my life all the time what I should be doing. But like a stubborn fool, I run away or choose my own destiny.

I have to learn to trust in the things that He commands of me daily. Its not about the big plan. He takes care of the big plan. All I need to do is be obedient in the little things that will eventually add up to the big plan.

Yeah. Thats how my prayers have changed.